Just sex.

I wasn’t one for one night stands and risky sexual behavior. I used to be a “one-love-ever” kind of guy having eyes for one only and you won’t find wandering and my eyes in common place. I used to be very bullish on issues of chastity and faithfulness but now I’m just like sheep straying under the influence of whatever really. You ask what the turning point was? Well, you know how they say that there are exceptions to every life principle, let’s just say I was an exception to the “what you sow you shall reap” principle. let’s just say that I got wild fruits where I expected tender berries, let’s just say that where I expected profit on an investment I got a loss, for my perseverance I got punished, for my patience I got delayed and for being faithful to my love I got unfaithfulness in return. Cheating used to be a distant phenomenon and it happening to me was just not imaginable, but then exceptions will be exceptions. The image of my love pants down, bare and naked with another was the kind of stuff I only saw in movies and even in 3D it was never real. But this though, this was so real I could smell it, the heart rending scent of betrayal all over the room, so real I could hear the pulsating heart beat of passion between these two, so near, it was all within reach of my trembling hands but I couldn’t hold it.

Moving on, life’s been so so. Nothing spectacular, except when I replay the scenes from the night depicted in the previous paragraph precipitating a sudden surge of eclectic emotions within me. To cope I hang out with my hommies more often. Guess my story is one of exceptions really cos even amongst them I was the one – the teetotaler of the gang – they could bank on me to drive their drunken ass home on a Friday night, the priest for their confessions and intercessor for their sins. The guys didn’t have no small laugh about what happened (cos that’s what good friends do). In the same breath of encouragement and comfort they will switch to uncensored banter. They went a step further this time and added advice. Hmmm, the advisor has now become the advised. Anyways this was their conclusion, that the best way to get over it and move on was, well… Sex. Casual sex with no strings attached with a random person and I’ll be fine. Their submission; sex is just another thing of leisure like playing ping pong or watching king Kong. Strangely I considered it a good idea you know. That something that was instrumental to getting me here will help me get out. Strangely it made sense that what my love had with the fellow “cheatee” was more than sex and what I would have would be just sex. Makes sense don’t it.

The guys took finding me a “ping pong partner” as seriously as they took their day jobs and in no time I was hooked up. The night came, it was long, it was fun and it was done and it sure did feel like just sex. Remember how I said earlier that my story is one of exceptions well some more exceptions coming up in a bit.
My ping pong partner suddenly developed a habit of calling more frequently and stuff. Now this wouldn’t be strange under other circumstances but in this case, it is cause it was supposed to be a one night stand and then we all sit down and be humble. Strangely I enjoyed ping pong partner’s (sticking to this name cos this person wasn’t even supposed to be significant as such, in my life at least) company. Well before you could say Jack Robinson it was two dates going on three, we became more acquainted bedmates stressing the sheets, familiarity caused us to throw caution to wind and we removed the coating in between.

I just got a text from ping pong partner and well let’s just say I’m expecting a ping pong baby. And you know what Instead of tears of joy I have a laughter of sorrow and I don’t even need banter. Now let me replay for you words from my truest friend his name is “still small voice”(now this is supposed to be a significant person at least in my life but I’ve ignored him since paragraph one) so here he goes :
Just sex, Hmmm, just enough to bring you heart break. Wouldn’t that mean that this bodily fellowship has heart implications. If it was just sex why wasn’t it easy to just forgive ?
Just sex, how come for emotional healing you seek sensual therapy, wouldn’t that mean that sex is emotionally involving and investing?
Just sex, how come a supposedly act of leisure turns out to be life giving , for life is always poured out into another and sex is well “pouring”. Moreover sex is a union as strong as a white wedding for by sex you truly become one with someone else. Ping pong baby is a testament to this fact for he is the totality of you and ping pong partner all in….you guessed it….. One!
Just sex, haven’t you heard some guys describe their sexual experience as highly spiritual, well this is the gist; if man is spirit sex thus is a mixing of spirits need I say more that sex is truly “highly spiritual”.

The submission of my truest friend – it’s never just sex.

Shout out to the good ones!

It is great to know that there are still good people in this world you know. I am talking of those people who have not been totally overwhelmed by the seeming impulsive need to be savage and reciprocate tits with tats as soon as they can. I am talking about these people who without coercing will walk you 8 miles and in the event that there is a sequel they are already a step ahead, not from the place of impulsiveness but from the place of forbearance. Yeah I know such folks seem alien in these times as it seems we’ve succeeded in alienating the aliens, gradually making their history a simile to that of the dinosaurs. Well today I celebrate the good people!

Some noise for the silent ones!
Our many interpretations of silence though, at a time silence is consent at another it’s a rude response, whatever rocks our boat yeah. But there are those who have silence and serenity as well as being good (cos not all quiet people are good people) as their default setting. These ones would rather say nothing not because your shouting at them doesn’t warrant a clap back, but because they understand that not everything is a shout fest and energy reserved in speaking few words can power a nation. The silent ones, a unique sect given to quietness rather that running their mouth like a broken record breaking hearts with every spin because there is no check. The silent ones, who understand the punctuative function of periods and moreover know when to abound and when to abase in speech! Hey silent ones, We hear you !

Have you seen the joyful ones?
Oh yes you have! Cheers to you joyful ones, we see how your smiles light up our day like the morning sun. The joyful, that will not have us feeling blue but with their chuminess leave us blushing like a girl crazy in love. Joke after joke, poke after poke they cause sweet electrical impulses to flow through every fiber of our being and give us hope to lift up our heads and see the blue skies. When they speak it’s like streams of gladness coming forth to flood our saddened hearts, and they won’t stop until they find us soaked in happiness. Oh what grace, to leave a brother elated always, to see men move from bowed heads to broad chests. Save me not from the joyful ones, let me drown in their grace for a merry heart does good like medicine. Your feets are blessed oh ye merchants of joy!

Applause for the selfless ones!
Wow, I am awe struck by you selfless ones, your willingness to prefer the next over self leaves my mouth agape like an alarmed Yoruba man. In the eyes of a couple of people, it seems foolish how you let go time and again and take second place, when you could have easily spilled blood to stand on the podium but you reckon that there is more to life than accolades and the deeds you do to others are seeds that will produce fruits in due season. Take a bow selfless one, that move to share your last supper with more than one was just something else: not like you were not hungry but again you reckoned that the present scattering will result in to a great in-gathering. Thank you selfless ones!

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Good people, this one is for you!

We see you good people
Be encouraged good people
Do good,  it’s for your good!

Dear mary

Dear mary

How are you dear? trust you are good. I know it’s been a while i wrote you and it’s totally my bad. The reason why I have not been able to write you though; there is my obvious laziness and procrastination (I do hope to change next year) quite alright but there is the big issue not just an issue but you actually carrying the issue.

I must say I really didn’t know what to say when the news broke and I’m not sure I do have the right words to say now. I mean what do you say to someone like you who in recent times has conversed with an angel and received of the Holy Ghost. With all that divinity surrounding you will words from my mortal mouth do you any good? Especially now when you’ve had enough with the rumour mongering and virtue bashing in the streets will you hear one more mortal speak? And of all people me, Joseph’s friend who has suddenly thought it wise to write you now after a long while. Well do not stop reading my letter now Mary, indulge me a couple of lines more. I do not guarantee that I’ll say the right words but as much as is within me I will try.

I am in one of the biggest dilemmas of my life. The whole experience is so vivid and you think clarity will be easy to come by but trust me dear it’s not easy. Wrapping my head around the fact that you are pregnant and it’s not Joseph’s has been an effort in futility as I’ve now seen that my head is not a wrapper and will never be one. But if it was a wrapper though at one end is my friend and your fiance Joseph, at the other end is you, my friend as well, pregnant before marriage. How do I reconcile these two ends with the antecedence you both have of faithfulness? The image of your protruding belly alone makes me cringe and I wont lie to you I asked myself this question could Mary have cheated? Cos let’s face it at the moment a child can only be born out of flesh and flesh so yeah that question did arise. But I know you, know you too well that once that question pops up I create excuses for you in my head cos that’s what you do for people you love right – create excuses for them in the midst of the questionable . And my excuse – that a new order of people born by spirit will start from you. My sister, you cannot imagine the mockery I received when I gave that as a response to a comment bashing your virtue on one of these blogs.

My excuse and your claim though, those are quite reconcilable it seems. Joseph tells me the Holy Spirit came upon you in the manner the angel had earlier explained and you became pregnant. Hmmmmm, Babe just know it will take mango seed faith to believe and accept this especially when you didn’t experience it. But you know what? I want to experience this with you maybe not on the levels which you have, but I am willing to believe with you through this experience, to have faith with you believing that this that happened didn’t happen to you but has happened for you and for us. Moreover I hear there is a certain bigger blessing for as many that believe, well then,  guess it won’t be such a bad idea to be one of the first partakers. So in all that you are going through now know, I stand with you!

But how much of a support or comfort will my standing with you be if your love Joseph isn’t. Well just know he is having it hard too having to come to terms with this, to believe this, to defend you in the streets and to be there for you. I wrote him a while back and I know he’ll come around. Believe me dear when I say it’s not easy in a man’s world as well, especially when you seek to do right by God and by your woman within the context that all guys are supposedly “bad”. Joseph is a good guy, that you know, don’t “unknow” that now, for to love one is to know one. As he supports you please uphold him as well.

I eagerly await the birth of your child Mary. I hear he has a name already, Jesus, wow saviour! By that name alone I know God is with us cos this world sure needs some saving.
I love you mary
You are not alone!
God is in you!

…..and a partridge in a pear tree….

My brain has this wonderful thing where it randomly flashes to times from way back in my life. Now I’m not old, I’m still very young but let just say my brain has a way of going to earlier timelines. One thing this helps me do is to be grateful for how far GOD has brought me and appreciate life in itself. (oh Father! Teach us to live well! Teach us to live wisely and well! )

So back to my brain and it’s interesting pictures. On this faithful day the picture is that of a Christmas event in my primary school. I was one of 12 students presenting the song “12 days of Christmas”. Remember the song? Well each of us represented each day and we were to sing out what our “true love” sent to us on each day. I was day one so I will go “on the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me, a partridge in a pear tree” in my cute little voice of course. Now the song being a cumulative song meant that each verse built on top of the previous verse so basically as we counted up day after day it meant I would start and as well end and as we counted down (now as you are imagining me doing this song do make sure you have a picture of a cute little boy with a sweet voice, thank you)

Lessons from 12 days of Christmas

Lesson 1- giving is a key part of love
I didn’t know much about love at the time (still have a great deal to know about love but I’m learning) but one thing stood out for me, this so called true love must really love whoever he was giving gifts to, to send a gift every other day for 12 days, each gift different from the previous. Giving is a reflection of the heart of the giver to the recipient of the gift. I know we live in times when the face value of a gift is more important than the motive with which a gift is given but the truth is gifts are just the pencils with which we draw the images of our motives and true feelings on the hearts of loved ones.

Lesson 2 – great responsibility = great expectations!
It felt Cool to be day one but it came with a lot pressure. Being day one entailed that I didn’t have the chance to be a “one-hit-wonder” (like day 12,lol). I had to get my part right the first time and get it right every other time. And not just for myself alone but also because the whole team depended on and expected me to get it right. Ever feel like this in real life? You know, because of a certain privilege or position you feel a huge weight of expectation on your shoulder? well just know you are poised to do greatly. Just get it right the first time and get it right every other time. And if u do make a mistake, well you have 11 chances for a make over 🙂

Lesson 3 – never forget your “day ones”. I might have just been that little voice at the end of each verse, but counting me out or forgetting me was to your own detriment o! That your guy might have just been of help on just one occasion but that singular act has helped you a great deal. Never forget the people who helped you on your way up. Someone probably joined the show of your life at day 12 and fancied you such a hit, but there was a partridge in a pear tree on day one who got the track rolling. There was a belief system that gave you faith to start, there was a foundation on which you built, there was a shoulder on which you sat to get a good view, never forget!

Big shout out to my day ones! Blessings!

The end!
Or rather…. … and a partridge in a pear tree….. 🙂

About weddings……

In the space of one month I’ve attended two weddings.  That’s like a  normal thing in Lagos, Nigeria or Kampala, Uganda where there is a big wedding every other week.  Big deal about this for me though is that before these two weddings, last time I was at one was two years ago (oh ye single friends of mine go and marry! ) and to make it more of a big deal I attended one in Kampala and another in Lagos.  *singing Runtown’s Lagos to kampala feeling all bad ass* hehe. I had fun,  the two weddings were all I had imagined them to be.  I wore my Yoruba demon ( dear future wife the use of the word demon here is just a literary device,  love u! Xoxo) cape – Agbada,  I dabbed, I shokied, had small chops, popped a party popper as the bride came in (though unsuccessfully) and so many other things.
But after all that I got back into my boring part that rationalizes a lot of things (like how two people can kiss but won’t share a tooth brush). And I got thinking along the following lines.

How do two people decide to do something as daring as getting married. Like really how do you decide that you want To wake up by someone for the rest of your life.  How do you get to that point of certainty that Feran who was your first love is not the one for you and Tusiime is.  You can ask people in love about their convictions and they always seem to give an answer but still I wonder.  We all have so many dates and relationships to do over but marriage is a different ball game all together.  It’s like a dive from a cliff into a sea you have no idea of its depth.  It’s like withdrawing every penny you had from whatever account you had (plus your piggy bank) and choosing to invest into a new business. It’s like a launch into the deep in the hope that you will catch something: what if you catch a shark or a dolphin or a catfish or a sea horse or an oyster?  You never really know you know.  Some Love stories have ended sour and others “happily ever after”. To this end I laud and salute the effrontery of everyone who has dared to jump the broom, to have that hope that their stories would be a Fairy tale in the face of distant and sometimes close nightmares. Marriage is a leap of faith and no play ground for the faint hearted.

I also got thinking on how simple the uniting of two people look.  Like they read a couple of vows to each other, sometimes the vows aren’t even theirs (dear future wife I would like us to write our vows, what do you think 🙂 love you xoxo) and after that they are pronounced husband and wife and I’m like thats it?  Really that’s it?  They are one just like that.  It’s really puzzling and intriguing. It practically means by the reason of spoken words two separate entities are made one, bound together just like that. just like that something that afore time didn’t exist is brought to life and Ms X becomes Mrs Y in a twinkling. But as I write this,  I am reminded that spoken word is powerful! I am reminded that the world itself was framed by the word of GOD such that  things which are seen were not made of things which do appear. I am reminded that life and death are In the tongue! And that those vows are not mere words hence I should keep those vows for that special someone and not waste them on mere men. (men here is for mankind and not the masculine figure oh!)

Lastly what’s with the crying? I remember seeing  a meme sometime back of a girl saying if the groom wasn’t crying as she walked down the aisle she’ll go back and do the walk again in my mind I’m like oh girl u go Waka enter China come back oh (girl, you gonna walk to China and back). Hehe but weddings are emotionally intense! This last wedding I attended had quite a number of folks tearing up at some point and it was a sight for me. Then again I’m reminded that crying is just another form of expressing emotions that words might fail to convey and that crying is not a form weakness. I’m reminded that a man who cries is just in touch with his “he-motional” side. Also that, the fact there can be tears on a day of  great joy is a pointer to marriage itself being a mingling of some sort of the sweet and the sour but releasing a perfect taste in the end. By the way, guys,  if you are found crying on your wedding day,  you are in good company,  Jesus wept! *winks*

Weddings are beautiful, awesome and can be real avenues to turn up (the DJs at the two weddings were dope though)  but marriages are more beautiful and more awesome.
May all who desire to get married one day find love pretty soon and have joy in their homes.
Amen!

Delilahs and subtle brothers

Delilahs and subtle brothers

I have seen kings become mere men. I have seen warriors with time become feeble, weak and timid, trembling and brought to their knees by the very things they once had rule and dominion over. Oh dear why would it be that he who once lived in affluence in the comfort of his pavilion now lies in wait in the embrace of wretchedness, how is a man struck down from eminence to mere existence? This is an error under the sun! To regress instead of progress. I see this and I’m scared. I’m reminded that man in all his glory is but an atom of dust present on top the TV set this moment and in the trash the next. I’m scared that the fate of the one-time king might re tweet itself in the time line of our lives. But the wise and gentle one said to me watch, wait and pave a new way for thyself. So I watched and saw how the king fell because of Delilahs and subtle brothers.
I put my hands on my head now as one at a loss as I recall the evil wrath in the hand of a subtle brother in the life of the king.
And I ask myself, how come subtle brothers have excelled so much in their evil enterprise? How have they continued to strike men down in their prime with expertise. Then  the images of what I observed in the life of the king were projected on to the screen of my heart. What did I see in the image? A subtle brother who grew up with the king. Yes, they grow up with you. Rooted in the same soil you rooted in, blessed by the same rain you blessed with, tendered to by the same husband man. Subtle brothers have words like butter so smooth, the kind you wanna hear on the late night radio show such that you listen all night and you lose sleep. And in the morning the same subtle brother wakes you up and motivates you to “head out for the day is bright” and you concede that he is great guy. Nothing but that, a great guy! The king contended with why he was christened a subtle brother, he found it a misnomer of some sort. So he rechristened him and named him with some exotic Greek name interpreted as ” the one on whose arm I lean on”. Eish! Only if the king remembered at that time that no one man should have all that power! Oh if he remembered that a man’s nature won’t change just because of a naming ceremony, a baby is still a baby after 8 days, a subtle man is still a subtle man irrespective of a great rechristening event. So the merriment ended and with the hang over still in effect the subtle man lowly as a dove showers the king with accolades and kind words poetically woven into each other. And says to the king at the end of his poetic point presentation, “you have done great my Lord, as a token of my appreciation, Behold I gift you a damsel esteemed in all the lands- Delilah”.
I Paused at this moment and let the sound track reminiscent of the one in a Nollywood movie fill in. Delilah? Delilah? Delilah? Beautiful was she in every line and every curve drawing out a shape coveted of all men. her eyes seemed like they were the light source itself, GOD save the man who is the object of her gaze. her skin was something else entirely, you’d think she was reborn every morning, it was as smooth as it was soft.

the king, puzzled at such an offering and awe struck by Delilah’s intimidating presence, calls his “brother” to the side and says “I have a queen, is this right?”. and like a voice from the heavens the wise one speaks out with a loud voice to me saying “wait! The truth is always the truth! the truth is light, light as the sun, if you travel to the sun questioning its existence your ashes will testify of its integrity”. A long hmmmmmmmm followed this statement as I know saw that the very moment we begin to doubt an already existent truth we are pushing on the boundaries of deception.
And the subtle brother said to the king, “the queen is old and past her prime, you are king the nation’s joy and pride, for any decision you take you need not hide, take my words and put the law aside. In this moment the king once again takes the word of the fool as wise, in this moment he forgets that he is not to forget the wife of his youth, in this moment he welcomes Delilah into his court and through the gates of his heart, the same heart he is to guard with all diligence.
Delilah was wise, swift and smooth. Covert enough to conceal her intents and overt enough to have the everyone notice her. Day after day she sow seeds of lust into the king’s heart such that it burned as a fire so strong it could ravage a whole city. Night after night she fanned this fire in to flames, morning after morning she replaced the smoke of the fire with pleasant incense. She was that good or would we say bad. Before long the seeds she had sown in the king’s heart began to yield fruit of various kind. One of such was hatred for the queen. The queen always seemed to stir up disgust in the heart of the king, the queen wondered how and why. As the days went by, less alluring was her beauty, more annoying were her deeds and in a little while an end was put to the marriage creed. With the queen gone, everything was now ready for Delilah to ascend the throne as queen by virtue of marriage.
The news of the marriage spread far and wide and in like manner wise counsel drew near and narrow down to the king that a little more patience will be good. but with the speed with which the counsel came, they were thrown out in like fashion, the king was as a child rushing to the table at the call for dinner. Hmmm little did he know that he rushed to his ruin. Great were the festivities, delicious was the food and grave was the evil in store for the night. As the night drew nigh and the celebrations ended the king joyfully took Delilah in to his courts one more time only this time as wife and him leading her in.
(at this time I am actually tired of writing but it’s gotta to have an end so here we go)
The subtle brother was present in the court that night strangely. The king with his new wife by his side halts and says to his brother “another gift you bring me? “and all go into laughter. The brother replies “yes my lord” and swiftly Delilah drives a knife through his heart, and in lightning speed the brother drives another into his bosom. A dying king through his slowly closing eyes beholds his greatest confidant and his wife blood stained with his blood as his final image and “but I trusted you” as his final words and his body at the feet of his enemies.

May GOD deliver us from subtle brothers and delilahs! In jesus name
Amen.

Dear Joseph..

Dear Joseph,
 
I won’t bother to ask if u good, cos I can imagine how you feel, And that’s really the best I can do – imagine. In fact this situation you are in now, it beats my imagination. I remember how growing up, we would think far and wide, kaleidoscopic dreams and all, curious to a fault. But this my friend beats my imagination.

I must say you were late in telling me that Mary, your girlfriend is pregnant. The Rumour mongers beat you to it. Have you been to the blog sphere lately, hmmm your story has littered everywhere. Lets not even talk about the comments now. Some are really ridiculous and some very funny. From the “so Joseph too can do?” to “I said it, that Mary is just pretending” to “virgin my left a*s, its jollof rice that’s in the uterus now right?” to so many more I can’t recall now. My friend, just know Mary has been slaughtered with mockery and  gossip in the streets so whatever compassion she’s getting now, she deserves it and she needs it.

Now i can hear you screaming what about me? My brother I hear you, I hear you loud and clear. In fact that’s why I’m writing you now. Its very easy for the guy to be excluded from the narrative for good and for bad reasons. Its an unfair world we live in bro, if it was rape don’t think it would have been different, mary would still have beared the brunt, now that its pregnancy it won’t be any different. Its a man’s world innit? No matter how you feel now believe me mary is having it worse. But I feel your pain brother.

I always admired how you poured out your heart in love for her, unashamed about it and unwavering in the proclamation of your love. Wow you guys will hold hands and grace our streets night after night, gently loving her and at the same time bullishly standing in defence of your love, from our laptops to the rooftops we saw it that Mary was your all. You deserve an award man,in this world where we guys have become so self absorbed and egoistic creating a facade that we are totally emotionally uninvolved you chose to stand out and now this happens, she suddenly gets pregnant for someone that’s not you, I ask myself ,is love really worth it.?

My question compared to your many questions though. Could it actually be that mary was lying all along?, I mean putting up an act for that long? Has she been faking the love all along?, how do  u fake a relationship for that long?, I can’t even fake a smile , you say.

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I'm just hoping she didn't do this to you

In a state of confusion, you are now joining things that are unconnected together, you know how she never farted in your presence and you remember someone say if she never farted in your presence she hiding something, and the like. Hehe, those things are unconnected though, and maybe she never farted cos she wanted you to go first. Lol but seriously brother it beats me too, I won’t lie, to go from seeing mary as the queen to seeing her as the cheating girlfriend is a quantum leap I’m not prepared for.

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Remember when we saw this pic? Lol, it doesn't hold bruh.

Hear ye my question again though, is love really worth it? Is it worth it to be a believer , to give , to suffer long, to be patient, to be kind, to be hopeful, to be caring, to trust, is it worth it? I won’t answer for you, you will, you wear the shoes, you know where it hurts. Am I asking you to take her back, I’m not but I’m saying let love reign.
I hear you’ve shut her out all this while, how loving is that?. Bless her with the benefit of doubt. Besides this is her first slip up and remember how mom used to tell us to think of all the good a person has done before acting on one bad. To love is to know her, don’t “unknow” her now.
I hear she has a divine explanation for all these. Hmmm, remember the prophecy? Remember we all have divine scripts to act out, maybe this is yours. TRust and wait on GOD, you might just receive an angelic visitation
I won’t lie, my WORk  is easy from where I stand and I do not envy you now. But I love you bro and I got your back. You are always on my mind

Bless bro
Your blood
Tee.